Facts and myths

She says 'no'; but she means 'yes'. Does this sound familiar to you? I'll hear people say all sorts of things about girls and sex - often very hurtful things based on mistaken ideas, or 'myths'.

And when it comes to rape, the myths are very strong and very dangerous, because they excuse rape and blame the victim rather than the attacker.

Here are some of the common myths about date rape and rape in general.

What they say ...	The truth
'Rapists look evil'	Rapists are usually 'ordinary' guys, of all ages and backgrounds
'Rape is committed by strangers in dark alleys'	In 80-90% of cases the attacker is known to the victim, and it may occur in your own home
'Nice girls don't get raped'	Women of all ages and from all different backgrounds can be the victims of rape
'She was asking for it'	Drinking, flirting or dressing in a 'sexy' way is not an invitation for sex
'If he pays for dinner and drinks, she owes him sex'	It doesn't matter how much he spends, sex can't be expected as a payback
'Guys can't control their sexual urges'	Guys are fully capable of controlling their sexual desires - it's about choice
'Girls cry rape when they didn't enjoy it' 'She didn't scream or fight back, so it wasn't rape'	Only 2-7% of rapes reported are false claims (no higher than for any other crime)
'She didn't scream or fight back, so it wasn't rape'	Women may be paralysed with fear - rape is rape, regardless of whether there's a struggle
'It's not rape unless she's threatened with a knife or a gun'	Many victims are scared of losing their lives and being hurt even when no weapon or obvious physical force is used
'She didn't say no'	There are many ways that people say no to sex without using the word 'no' (e.g. 'I've got a boyfriend', 'Let's just go to sleep', 'I'm not sure', 'I'd really like to but …', 'You're not my type', 'You've been drinking', 'I've been drinking', 'I want to be alone', 'Don't touch me', 'I'm not in the mood')