Abuse in relationships

Date rape is often part of a wider problem to do with abuse in relationships. Abuse happens when one partner tries to control or hurt the other person. It’s a pattern of behaviour, not just a one-off, and the abuse usually gets worse over time.

There are three main types of abuse in relationships:

Emotional abuse − e.g. name-calling, putting you down, stopping you seeing your friends and family, checking what you’re doing all the time, or saying threatening things like ‘I’ll kill myself if you leave me’
Physical abuse − e.g. hitting, pushing or punching you, smashing things, or driving dangerously to scare you
Sexual abuse − e.g. forcing you to have sex of any sort against your will

You might think it’s somehow your fault if the person you’re going out with isn’t treating you well. The abuser might make excuses for their behaviour or ‘blame the victim’, but it’s their responsibility to stop the abuse, not yours.

It’s against the law for your partner or boyfriend (or anybody else) to physically hurt you, threaten you or force you into having sex. You can contact the police and your partner or boyfriend may be charged.

Good relationships

In relationships where you both respect each other, you don’t have to agree about everything. To have an argument is part of every healthy relationship, but it’s never OK for one partner to hurt the other person to get their way. Arguments shouldn’t leave you feeling scared or afraid for your safety.

A good relationship is one based on respect for each other. If someone is treating you with respect you feel:

free to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do
safe and never scared
free to see friends and family when you want
free to express your opinions and beliefs
free to change your mind
good about yourself
supported to make your own decisions
free to end the relationship if you want.

(This list has been reproduced with kind permission of the Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre (DVIRC), in Victoria.)