Spotting the warning signs
- Going out or going on a date
- Trust your gut feelings
- Alcohol
- Be choosy about guys
- Know your sexual rights
- Look out for your mates
- Break the silence
- 10 warning signs
There are a few things you can look out for to avoid ending up in a situation where you don't feel comfortable. Whether you've only recently met the guy or you've been going out for a while, it helps to think about what you want out of the relationship.
Going out or going on a date
If you're going on a date or meeting up with somebody you don't know very well, you might like to:
- go out in a group or on a double date so you can suss him out
- pay your own way so he doesn't get the wrong idea about you 'owing' him anything (but remember - even if he does pay, you never owe him sex)
- organise your transport home before you leave
- take a mobile phone with you
- be careful about inviting him into your house or going to his (most date rapes happen in the home).
Trust your gut feelings
Never feel that you have to spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. Listen to your instincts and leave situations that you don't feel good about. Don't wait for someone to look out for you or for things to get better, because chances are they won't.
Alcohol
Some guys will be really generous and buy you drinks all night, but they might have hidden reasons. Getting a girl drunk is a common way to make her drop her inhibitions.
You may be less able to refuse someone who is making a move on you or pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. It's best to buy your own drinks and to keep an eye on them. Read more about alcohol and drugs.
Be choosy about guys
Be careful about who you hang out with. There's no sure way to tell which guys could be dodgy, but watch out for guys who:
- ignore you or don't really listen to you
- do unwanted touching or invade your personal space
- want to control what you do and make decisions for you
- make suggestive or crude remarks about women.
Know your sexual rights
How often do guys say 'You would if you loved me …'? Sex shouldn't be the only way you can show somebody you love them. And sex is not meant to one-sided – it should be something you both want.
Remember, you have the right to say no, even if you've had sex with him before, and you also have the right to change your mind. It is never OK to force somebody into having sex.
It can be particularly hard to say no to a guy you like – you might enjoy kissing and touching but aren't ready to have sex just yet. It's good to be firm and straightforward about what you do and don't want to do.
In an equal relationship, each person has the right to stop the activity at any time. If he really cares about you he will respect your decision and will not start or continue anything you don't like.
Look out for your mates
When you go out in a group to a party, pub or club, look out for each other and make sure that everyone you came with gets home safely. If you're concerned about what a friend is doing, talk to them about it.
Break the silence
If you've been forced into sex against your will it is not your fault. It may help to talk to somebody about what happened, like a friend, a trusted adult or a counsellor at a sexual assault service or crisis line. Remember, you're not alone.
10 warning signs
1. Being alone with someone you don't know well
2. Not knowing how you're going to get home
3. An instinctive 'bad feeling' about a situation
4. Drinking too much alcohol
5. Accepting drinks from people, particularly if the drink tastes or smells 'funny'
6. Guys who don't listen to you or show respect
7. A guy who insists on coming into your house when he drops you home
8. Unwanted touching by a guy
9. Guys who say 'You would if you loved me …'
10. A friend who's not in control and is being taken advantage of
